if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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