Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
