Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
