I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
