I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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