Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Actions speak louder than pants.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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