What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
