I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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