Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
