I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
