Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
