I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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