We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
