I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
