dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
