I am puke
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
