Who did Billy Mays play for?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
