Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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