a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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