Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
