Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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