You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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