Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
