If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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