Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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