Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
