I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Fuck appropriateness.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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