Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
