All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize