I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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