I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
