I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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