Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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