Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
