it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
