I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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