Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
