the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
40s are totally the cure
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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