im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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