anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize