My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm at about main and main street
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
