Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
