My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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