I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize