My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love you. Go after that dick
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
