Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
a search helicopter?!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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