I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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