Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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