She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize