My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
