It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
