we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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