We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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