i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
