where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
