he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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