The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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