dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
