I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
